Etiquette for a Wedding Guest

Guests from the Royal Wedding

I saw an interesting article on MSN today about the 15 Wedding Guest Dos and Don’ts.  I took some of their “rules” and added some of my own to share with you. Most of you will only have one wedding, but you will be attending a countless number… so pay attention!   

DO RSVP

I understand the importance of this because I plan weddings, but I will admit that even I have forgotten to RSVP before the deadline.  The best way to avoid this is to reply as soon as you open the invitation. 

DON’T Assume You Can Bring a Date

You should not bring a date unless your invitation says “and guest”.  There is most likely a reason you did not get a plus one- it may be because the size of the venue or maybe their budget.  No matter what the reason is- do not call the bride or groom to ask if you can bring someone with you. 

DO Buy a Wedding Gift Early

Couples spend tons of time registering for gifts, which means they obviously intend to use those items.  Buy gifts early to make sure you aren’t stuck with the most random items.  Sometimes you can run into a problem however if the couple did not register for that many items.  In this case, use what you know about the couple to pick out something really special for them.  Do they love to camp and you know their tent is worn down?  Buy them one!  As long as you know it is something the couple will really enjoy and use I say go for it!

DON’T Bring a Large Gift to the Wedding

I see this all the time!  There is so much going on at the end of a wedding reception (taking down decorations, handing out vendor payment and tips, say goodbye, etc.) the last thing the bride, groom, and their family need to worry about is loading a ton of presents into their car.  Do them a favor and have the gift shipped directly to their new home.  Luckily, with more and more people having online registries it is super easy to ship directly to the couple.  Don’t want to ship the gift and they live near by? Drop the present off sometime before or after the wedding.

DO be on Time

Plan to arrive at the ceremony 20 or 30 minutes before the time that is indicated on the invitation.  Remember, you don’t want to be walking down the aisle with the bride. 

DON’T Crowd the Cake Table

When I first started doing weddings I was shocked at how adults act when the cake starts to be cut.  It becomes a feeding frenzy!  The cake cutter is working as fast as they can to get the cake to the guests so just be patient and let them get the pieces on the table.  Don’t be the person who stands next to them requesting the corner piece with icing.

DO Pay Attention to the Dress Code

You do not want to be underdressed.  If the invitation says black tie, women should be in a long formal gown or a very nice cocktail dress and the men should be in a tux.  Going to an outdoor wedding?  Women should still wear a nice dress or skirt and men in a casual suit. 

DON’T Wear White

This one should go without saying, but I still see it all the time.  This is the bride’s day so let her be the only one wearing white.  Also avoid light ivories, blues, and pinks just to be safe. 

DO Congratulate the Family

Since receiving lines are becoming a thing of the past take time to seek out the couple’s parents and introduce yourself, thank them, and tell them how much you are enjoying the wedding.

DO Party!

Brides and grooms have spent tons of time and money planning this wedding and they want people to have a good time.  Trust me, the last thing they want to see if an empty dance floor while their $8,000 band is playing.  Let loose and show the bride and groom you are there to celebrate!

DON’T Get Wasted

Yes, I know I just said Do Party but do it responsibly.  Enjoy the bar; don’t abuse it.  You do not want to be the guest who threw up all over the dance floor. 

DO Sign the Guestbook

Yes, it may seem cheesy, but the wedding is oftentimes a big blur for the couple, and they'll want to remember everyone who attended.

DON’T Talk Forever

Make a point of saying hello to the bride and groom, but keep your conversation short, so they can make their rounds and maybe even have time to get a bite or two of all that food they picked out! Oh, and speaking of chatting, refrain from complaining about how long it took you to get to the wedding or how awful the weather was during the ceremony; they don't need to hear it.

DO Stay Until the Formal Exit

If you are unsure if the couple is having a formal exit check with the wedding planner or one of the bridesmaids.  If you can, stick it out until the end.  No bride and groom want to have a sparkler exit with only 30 guests remaining. 

-a.e.h.